In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize