your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
