like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
