On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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