yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
