I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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