grandma shit on top of the toilet
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
