nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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