**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
