It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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