Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
