I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
