Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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