this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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