I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
