So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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