....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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