The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You can't motorboat a personality
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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