I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
