shes about as inviting as chlamydia
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
