cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
