Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
