the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
