I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Too much gin, very little bucket
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
