you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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