I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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