I hate your face
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
