I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My dick has a subreddit
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
