Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
