i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need to wash the frat house off of me
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
