My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
