I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
