Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
