Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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