we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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