I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
