She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The air taste purple.
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