I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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