last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
