i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
