She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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