i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
