I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
