just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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