would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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