I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
