Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
