thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize