My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
