So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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