I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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