Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
