there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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