I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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