Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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