Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
