Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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