I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
