so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
