i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
