Soap is not a condiment
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
