Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize