I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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