you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
