every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That accounts for only three of the penises
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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