so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
