I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
