AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
