Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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