Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
