I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
