they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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