i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dignity is for republicans.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
