I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize