I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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