I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
