I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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