It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
