I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
