i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
