Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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