After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
